Well firstly, I just wanted to give a shout out to my friend Bellie. If she's reading this, I'd like to say "HI BELLLIIEEE!! We miss you dearly! And hope you are well!"
And now onto me, since I am egotistical at heart.
I figured out I should believe what I want to believe-regardless of what religion tells me. So ..YAY GAY MARRIAGE!! STILL NOT SURE ABOUT ABORTION!! I'm still Christian technically. But it's like I have my own denomination of Christianity called (my real name)-ism! It's so freeing! But if I'm wrong about doing this, I'll have to invent some excuses to tell Saint Peter..
Oh my gosh, my shoulders hurt like hell right now..I'm sore all over from gym class..
Anyway, my depression is starting to sink back in. I always knew it would.
Damn! Why is my blog is depressing?! UGH! My life is pretty great-I don't know why I complain. I guess it's because my parents have given me so much materialistically, and they have genuinely tried to be there emotionally for me-but unfortunately they have failed. Although it's weird. A couple weeks ago I hugged my dad nice and tight because he was leaving because he works 3 hours away, and I felt that hole in my heart seal up, and once I let go, it ripped open again. I guess it means I need a little more paternal involvement in my life, because Lord knows I have more than enough maternal interference..but I'll talk about that later since just now I've been inspired to write something more light hearted about my life since it's occurred to me that you know a lot about my emotions, but little about my lifestyle.
So on Wednesday, I plan to take my friend to Chinatown because she's never been there and I've been wanting to go anyway because I have an obsession with Asian culture and I wish I was born half Japanese ..even though it's Chinatown. It's fairly easy to get there from our school because there's a subway stop right in front of our school, and the Chinatown stop is a mere two stops away. I'm also inviting some of our other friends so we can have enough money to go to a restaurant or something. And of course I'm inviting one of our Chinese friends so she can tell us which restaurants look good. :D I'm real excited about this little get-together, partly because my relationship with my mom is a bit tense, I don't really want to be home anymore..
Um let's see..I also want to plan a farewell party for one of my other friends because she's leaving at the end of the year to go to a Catholic school. It's funny because our guy friend was all like "UGH! How can you go there? The guys that go there are such jerks!" And my friend and I agree that our guy friend just doesn't understand that no matter where you go, the majority of the guys are jerks. I empathize with her, because she doesn't really care whether she leaves or not, her mom is making her go, and I might also switch schools at the end of the year due to parental insistence. (I'll explain this more later on, I want to maintain my focus.) So my guy friend and I are gonna plan this. I was suggesting we rent a place in an indoor garden that's in the uppermost floor of the library that's a block away from our school. But my guy friend, who's more practical as most guys are, suggested a quote unquote "hobo picnic" in the park, which is also not far away. His idea does hold more promise, but we'll keep plotting. ;D
Haha, but don't get the impression my life is all about friends and going out on the town. It's quite the opposite. The majority of the time I'm cooped up in my house, watching T.V., forbidden to watch anything but kids' shows, but changing the channel when my parents are out of earshot, or on the computer, secretly typing out a blog entry for example. Only recently have I felt a greater sense of freedom; I feel like I'm getting to live the childhood that I wanted. However, it's still not enough. I desire a childhood like our parents had-where one could romp around town, getting chased by dogs, breaking neighbors' windows with a baseball, pooling together money with our friends to buy penny candy, (ok-that's more like our grandparents' childhood..) ride bikes or wander around in the park at night (which I've had the enormous pleasure of doing :D ). You know, movies like The Sandlot. I wish my childhood had been more active and physical, with more time spent outdoors than indoors, with less supervision, but when you live in an urban setting in a city known for crime, I understand that's not always possible. After all, this ain't the 50s. And also, I am an only child. I live in a condominum complex with few other children. I couldn't invite friends over from school because we lived outside the school zone. And there were no other kids in my family my age. Only now that my adolescent years are upon me, that I can actually act like a kid. Because my cousins had kids who I LOVE to play with. Because my parents have more money to visit my cousins in Mexico who actually are my age. Because my parents can't watch me when I go downtown for school and I could probably get into drugs if I wanted, but I refuse to. I'm already insane-what do I need drugs for? :D
I have this vision-that when I go off to college, I'll find like minded individuals and do a bunch of stuff that kids in bygone eras used to do. Instead of going to the mall, we'll play baseball in a dusty, secluded field. Instead of going out to the movies, we'll pretend we're Indiana Jones and run around. Instead of talking on the phone, we'll go tie a string to two cans. Stuff like that. ^_^ More innocent, old fashioned stuff that's nostalgic. People are probably gonna look at us like we're mentally disturbed, extrememly immature, drunken college students-but it won't matter. Cuz I'll get to live life to its fullest. =)
Also, when I grow up, I want to grow a garden so I can eat more organically. I've always wanted to be like Johnny Appleseed! Roaming America's backwoods throwing apple seeds randomly on the ground...I LOVE APPLES!! =D
I know..I'm sooo weird! XD
Oh yeah, that's more like it. All happy and crap. But don't get used to it. ;)
